


There was a boy - Ryden

by ryisdepressed



Category: Panic! at the Disco, kovu kingsrod
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryisdepressed/pseuds/ryisdepressed
Summary: there was a boy with fire in his name...Based on the song 'there was a boy' by Kovu Kingrod on youtube.





	There was a boy - Ryden

There was a boy fire in his name.

'Hey, I'm Brendon, I'm new here. Could you show me around?' The boy in front of me smiled widely. 'Yeah, of course. I'm Ryan.' I returned the smile and felt heat rise in my cheeks, Ryan. It suited him. A pretty name for a pretty face.

Deep brown eyes.

I sat in my bedroom crying. Dallon died in an accident and I'm not taking it well. Other than Ryan he was my best, and only friend. I started shaking and pulled myself into a ball. I could hear cars passing by my window and I felt panic seep in. The sound I was hearing right now was the last sound Dallon ever heard. I was shaking harder now and the only thing I could hear was ringing in my ears. Tears were streaming down my face and I let them fall, there was no point in wiping them away anyway.

'Brendon.' I heard Ryan's soft voice as he wrapped his arms around me. 'Look at me.' I looked up and we made eye contact. As I stared into the brown depths of his eyes he spoke to me. His voice was soft and almost a whisper as he calmed me. I stopped shaking and he pulled me back into the hug.' Everything will be okay Bren, maybe not now, but it will be.'

His soul was a flame, burning out a little too quick.

I went over to Ryan's house because he hadn't been at school for a week. The day before the last time I seen him he was really excited and almost as hyper as I am, but the next day he had black bags under his eyes, he barely spoke a word, he didn't do any work and was zoned out the entire day. I haven't seen him since and he hasn't been picking up any of my calls. I got to Ryan's door and walked right in 'It's just me.' I heard Ryan's Mom from the living room, 'he's in his room. Can you try getting through to him? He's put up a wall and we can't get him to listen.' I nodded even though she couldn't hear and ran up to his room.

I knocked on the door gently. 'Fuck off.' I shook my head and walked in anyway seeing a lump under his covers. I walked over and pressed lightly on the covers, but my hand just sunk right in. I looked around and saw him sitting in a ball, leaning against his desk. I walked over and sat beside him leaning my head on his shoulder. He raised his head a little to look at me before looking back down again.

Made his mind dark, made him feel sick.

'I can't do this anymore Bren.' I winced a little at his words, feeling them stab right through my heart.

'I'll help you through it. I won't let you leave me, or your Mom.' He shook his head and moved so he was sitting in my lap and started crying into my shoulder. 'I promise. Ryan, look at me.' He looked at me with those brown eyes I had been falling in love with. 'Just like you said. Everything will be okay, maybe not now, but it will be.' He giggled a little into my shoulder. 'You remember that?' I nodded, 'of course I do.'

There was a boy, with ice in his heart.

'Brendon. Help me.' I instantly sat up in my bed. It was 3 in the morning and Ryan had called me. 'I don't feel anything. What's happening to me? Why can't I feel anything?' I started pulling a shirt over my head.

'It's okay Ryan, I'll be over in five minutes. I'll help you.' I heard a sound like him moving his head. 'Please hurry. I'm scared Bren.' I quickly flung on shoes and ran down the stairs grabbing my keys from the kitchen unit before running outside to my car. I drove to Ryan's house definitely breaking the speed limit and got there in under five minutes. I got out and ran up the steps to see the door opening as I reached it. Ryan stood there in front of me looking like a shell of a human being. 'Come here.' He walked towards me and I wrapped my arms tightly around him. I led him into the living room and wrapped my arms around him as we lay on the couch. He leaned back into my touch and right before he fell asleep he whispered. 'Thanks for helping me feel.'

'What do you feel?'

He smiled gently and whispered. 'Love.'

He met the wrong people, they tore him apart.

I was slammed against my locker by two jocks. They each pinned me against it with one arm and used the other to hold my head in place. They were forcing me to watch Ryan laying on the ground getting his ribs kicked by one jock while another punched him in the face repeatedly. I cringed with every blow, my throat burning in agony from screaming at them to stop, from screaming for help, from simply screaming. Blood was streaming from his broken nose and both of his lips had been ripped open with blood oozing out from the cuts.

He was never the same again, making him doubt all he could obtain.

The jocks suddenly let go of me and walked away from us. I ran over to Ryan who was dragging himself over to the lockers. He pushed himself to sit against it and I knelt in front of him. He turned his face away from me, but I gently held his bruised chin forcing his to look at me. He avoided my gaze as I looked over his injuries. He lifted his hand and pushed me away letting his head fall back down. 'Ryan, look at me.' He shook his head. 'Ryan please.'

'Why would you want to look at a face like this?'

'Because I love you Ryan.'

'You don't mean that. You're just saying it to make me feel better about myself.'

I once again forced him to look at me, this time locking his eyes with mine. I stared into the brown eyes that I could get lost in.' I love you Ryan.' He shook his head and started crying. I pulled him into a gentle hug and could feel dampness seeping into my shirt and I knew it was his blood, but a couple of seconds later his shoulder started shaking and my shirt got more wet as he cried into it. 'I love you too Bren.'

And there was a boy, eyes filled with pride.

Ryan put his guitar down and grinned up at me. 'That was fucking awesome!' I was close to yelling. He just showed me a song he wrote called 'Mad as Rabbits' and it sounded amazing. His eyes shone as he looked at me. He was trying to hide how proud he was of himself after my comment, but his eyes gave it away. 'I wrote it for you.' I smiled a little and could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I was lost for words and instead leaned in and placed a soft kiss to his lips.

But that seemed to easy, on dark nights he cried.

I was woken up by a soft sob and looked over at Ryan as he lay next to me trying to hide the sobs escaping from his lips and the tears falling from his eyes. I quickly turned around and wrapped my arms around him. 'What's wrong Ryan?'

He would feel so alone.

'Please never leave me Bren.' I tightened my grip around him.

'I won't, but only if you promise not to leave me.' He stayed silent, but I wasn't expecting him to make that promise anyway. I knew how hard it was for him to cope in his own mind without having a promise like that weighing him down even more.

'I just don't want to be left alone.' He sounded scared and his voice shook.

'I'll stay here as long as you want me to.'

Played his guitar, a melancholy tone.

I sat and listened as Ryan played a new song he had wrote. It didn't have any lyrics yet and the guitar sounded sad. I noticed tears rolling down his cheeks as he played through it. I felt tears rise in my own eyes but fought them back. When he finished the song he just leaned his head back against the wall and let the tears continue to fall silently while I moved over to sit next him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and held his hand. He reached his head down and kissed my forehead lightly before letting his head rest on top of mine.

There was a boy, mother so loving and best friend so loyal.

I stood with Ryan and his Mom as she kissed him on the head and told him that everything would be okay. He pulled her into a hug and whispered thanks before turning towards me. I walked over to him and pulled him into a gentle kiss. 'Do you want me to come with you?' He looked up at me with a thankful look in his eyes.

'Please?' I nodded, knowing that he was scared to go into the therapist's office alone. I held his hand as we walked in and didn't let go the entire session.

Did he think he had nothing? But I get that feeling too.

Ryan was distant again. He's been going downhill fast recently, and I've began feeling like I've already lost him. I already feel like he's gone, left me alone with nothing left. He was my life now and I knew he was going to leave me soon.

Just wish you'd have known how much we'd miss you.

I sat in Ryan's room next to his Mom. We were supposed to be sorting through his things but everything I touched had a memory attached to it. I missed him like fuck. He's only been gone a week, but it feels like years without him. I never knew how much I needed him before he was gone.

There was a boy, with so much to say.

I found his notebook filled with songs. After reading through it I sat back. Everything he ever felt was made into a song. Every word he wanted to say but would never let anyone else hear was in there. There was a lot in there and I felt guilty after reading everything he felt that I never picked up on.

But life's worth seemed absent, so he gave it away.

I got the call from Ryan's Mom. He stepped in front of a car in the middle of the night. He was killed on the impact as his suffering ended.

The world in sheets of white as he, stepped into the night.

That night I dreamed about being in his position. The pitch-black sky was broken by a wall of white light as I turned and saw the headlights driving towards me. All I could see now was whiteness as the car got closer. Just as it was about to hit my eyes opened as I sat up in my bed with my Mom shaking my shoulders. 'Bad dream?' I nodded. 'Ryan?' I nodded again and started crying as she pulled me into a hug.

There was a boy, I see him so clear.

I lay in my bed with my eyes closed thinking back to the first day I met Ryan. I could almost hear his voice in my ears as he said his name; I made a mental note to keep a hold of that moment, because I know that you forget voices after not hearing them for a while. I never wanted to forget Ryan's voice. I remembered the first time I noticed the beauty he held in his eyes. The dark shade of brown that helped calm me from a panic attack after Dallon died. I brought myself back to our first kiss. He had just finished playing Mad as Rabbits for me and I was left speechless. I didn't know what else to say so instead leaned in and kissed him. His lips were soft against my chapped ones and he smiled a little into my lips. I thought of the first time we cuddled the night he felt numb. The night he said he loved me before falling asleep in my arms. I never slept a minute that night, making sure to remember every second of it.

The weight of the world was too much to bare.

Ryan called me at 4 in the morning crying. He was saying that he couldn't handle living a day longer. That he wanted to end it all. He was phoning me to say goodbye. I wouldn't let him though. I drove to his house as fast as I could and saw him sitting on his bed holding a pill bottle in his hand. I ran over and hit the bottle from his hands. 'Have you taken any?' He shook his head and leaned into my chest. Within minutes he was asleep, and I tucked him into the bed before taking the pill bottle into his Mom's room telling her to hide it from him.

As the blurry lights drew near, his mind oddly peaceful, no sorrow, no fear.

Ryan's phone was retrieved and in his notes app was one directed at me. 'The lights are coming towards me Bren. I'm not scared anymore, I was always scared of losing you. The lights are getting closer I have to hurry now. My mind is finally at rest too, I don't have a million worries filling my head. They're almost at me now. I love you Brendon Boyd Ur


End file.
